Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Queen Cat and the Noncat Colony

I am a Cat, therefore, I AM. The life of a cat is rather simplistic.....I've joined your noncat colony, I am the Queen, your life revolves around serving me. Simple.

When I was a kitten, I read in a book that I am a Mackeral cat. I have an M on my forehead. In the cat world, that stands for Master (of the Universe)......the noncats can think what they want.

When I first became Queen of this noncat colony, I sat down to talk with the one noncat I thought I could trust. I have just two non-negotiable situations that I will never tolerate....a small noncat living in my domain, and worse than that, another cat in my territory. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Afterwards, I snuggled on her lap. She, being a noncat, thinks I do it because I love her and want to be close. Actually I did it because I was slightly chilled and her legs were warm. If an electric blanket was around, I would have laid on that...it doesn't try to pet me. I flinch everytime someone touches me. You'd think they would get the "No touching" rule...nope....noncats are dumb.

Ahhhh, never trust a noncat. It didn't take long for the first non-negotiable rule to be broken. This small noncat moved into my house and thought, for about three seconds we were going to be friends.

See that doll in the box beside me? She actually thought she could wrap me up in a blanket and carry me around like a baby. My claws still flex and the thought of it. I would have left marks to permanently remind her I am not a cat to be toyed with, but I decided to give her the evil eyes instead.

"Hey, small noncat, think I have to tell you again we are not going to play together."

"Yeah, I didn't think so..."

After that, I could pretty much do what I wanted. I could hide in a Christmas box to give a noncat a scare.......

Or sleep on top of all the Christmas wrappings, just because I can....

Or my favorite, I collapse in front of you and see if I can cause you to trip over your clumsy, noncat feet.

Yes, life was pretty sweet, until one day I looked over my shoulder and saw my second non-negotiable rule had been broken.

The noncat colony had let in another cat. This cat came in all friendly-like and actually thought we were going to share the territory. What planet did she come from? And did the noncat colony think I was just going to allow this?

OOOOOh, I think NOT!!!!!

Now I must spend everyday protecting my territory. When her head rises above the last stair, I must begin my stalk.

It rarely happens this nicely. Usually I must have my mowhawk rise on my back and chase her down the stairs like a Lion chasing a Zebra.

Instead of sleeping, eating, and grooming myself all day long, I must keep watch at the top of my perch. One day, this cat will leave my domain, and I will once again have complete control of the noncat colony. Until then......

I'll be watching. There is no rest, no peace, no pleasure. All color is gone from life. When the intruder cat is removed, then I shall decide whether to allow the noncat colony to remain. Until then....I am at war.


  1. I think this is the funniest post you've written in a while, I loved it!

    Neela looks so cute in these pictures, it's a shame she's so mean to my Whitney.

  2. Hahahahaha.. I love the pics of whitney and neela....too funny.lol