Thursday, January 23, 2014

The Interloper Cat Learns From The Queen Cat

(Queen Cat Meets the Interloper Cat, Part Two)

The Queen Cat was quite pleased to show off some of her Queen behaviors to The Interloper Cat. This Cat would never be staying in her territory and would never be a threat to her. Besides, the Non-Cats in her territory were terribly boring right now.

"Okay, Interloper Cat, let's start with some basic feeding skills. You must always assume there is an interloper in your territory when you approach your food bowls. Creep stealthily towards the food as if you are tracking prey"...

"You then observe the food bowls to make sure no interloper is nearby before approaching"...

"Hey No! Interloper Cat! You are just observing my skills! You are NOT allowed to eat from MY Royal Food Bowls! Back away, Interloper Cat!"

"Sorry Queen Cat, I got hungry waiting for you to finish showing me how to approach the food bowls. But if you are the Queen Cat, you just attack and take back your food bowl by force, right?"

"Alley Cats fight over food. The Queen Cat removes the interlopers without force. They recognize her superiority without needing to use force. That is why she is The Queen Cat. Here, start to eat this food and I will demonstrate my technique"...

"I have decided that I do not want you to eat that food"....

"I have, in fact, decided that I will eat it"....

"I am eating the food, and you are history...without one claw being flexed"...

"Dang, Queen Cat! That was so cool! Can I try it?"

"No, I will demonstrate the technique, but I will not participate in actively teaching an Interloper Cat. Back away..."

"But Queen Cat, you made it look so easy..."

"Hey!!! Interloper Cat you are showing yourself to be an imbecile who cannot follow directions!"

"Sorry Queen Cat, my youthful exuberance got the best of me. It won't happen again."

"Okay, Interloper Cat. After you have satisfied your hunger, let a Non-Cat in your territory give you a royal brushing. But don't enjoy it too much, you must always maintain control."

"Oh, and let them know when the grooming session is over."

"I can do that Queen Cat"....

"Hey Queen Cat, does this make me look cute?"

"Pearls before feline swine...."

To Be Continued.....

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Queen Cat Meets The Interloper Cat

One day the Queen Cat of the NonCat Colony was lounging on her royal bed. Her thoughts were free from worry. "My Colony is free from The Intruder Cat, my Non-Cats are all busy making sure the Colony is running smoothly, my box is scooped and my food bowl is full. Life is good."

Suddenly, her olfactory sense of smell was flooded with the stench of an interloper entering her territory. It did not smell like The Intruder Cat, who had long been a thorn in her royal, padded paw.

The Queen Cat jumped from her Royal Perch to investigate. The Non-Cats could not possibly appreciate all she did to keep this Colony safe. As she reach the stairs that led to the upstairs territory, she was greeted by this sight...

An Interloper! The darn Non-Cats had let an Interloper Cat into the Colony! Interloper Cats are dangerous. They threaten the very existence of a Non-Cat Colony. They come to maim and destroy, especially The Queen Cat herself.

"You are not welcome in this Colony," the Queen Cat stated with much authority. "Show yourself, now!"

Slowly, the dangerous Interloper Cat showed herself...

"Hi Queen Cat! I am so excited to meet you! I have heard so much about you! You are legendary! Teach me how to be a Queen Cat, please....let me learn at the paws of the Master!!!!"

How were you able to gain entry into my territory? Tell me now before I destroy you!"

"A small Non-Cat let me in. She said you would be happy to grant me audience," the Interloper Cat quickly stated.

"Ah, of course," said the Queen Cat. "I know exactly which small Non-Cat you speak of."

"She is the one Non-Cat in my Colony that is a rebel...hmmm.....

"Although your words are flattering (and correct), one does not teach a feline how to become a Queen Cat, one IS a Queen Cat. There is a difference. However, I do not find you threatening, so I will let you leave my territory in peace."

"OOOOh, the 'Queenly, Over-Indulgent Squint!' All the feral felines talk about it! It is rumored that you give that look to Non-Cats who think that by scratching behind your ears, they have made you happy. But in fact, you believe they are simpletons, and wish they would scoop the poop out of your royal toilet rather than touch you," the Interloper Cat excitedly exclaimed. "All of us homeless felines practice the squint hoping for the day a Non-Cat touches us and we can squint just like you. Watch me Queen Cat, I can do it!"

The Queen Cat was amused. "Alright Interloper Cat, I will show you a few Queenly behaviors. You will never be a Queen Cat. However, I am bored by my Non-Cats at the moment and rather pleased by your attention."

"Follow me Interloper Cat," stated the Queen Cat. "Time to learn the difference between grooming your coat, and just plain licking, and scratching."

"What? We're gonna clean ourselves? My mom taught me that already!"

"Don't be stupid, little Interloper, or I may change my mind."

To Be Continued..........