Sunday, September 18, 2011

The RV Nightmare Has Come Full Circle....

In June, 2008 we picked up our brand-new RV. Dreaming of fun vacations, long weekend trips, and spur of the moment getaways, we were ready for this new adventure in our life. Ahh, what a difference three years make.

You see, we didn't know that there was such a thing as an RV that doesn't like you. Or one that doesn't like to travel. After all, it's called a travel trailer, I didn't think it was up for negotiation.

"We've travelled 100 miles, time to pump some grease into the wheel."

After two years of our RV standing for (R)uined (V)acation, we thought we'd finally gotten all the "Kinks" out of the beast. Since it didn't like to travel, and let us know by leaving us stranded on Interstate 95 on the hottest day of August two years ago...we thought we'd leave it in South Carolina. There it could rest, relax, and be towed on site by someone other than us. Expensive? You betcha, but when something bigger than you tries to kill you while doing 65mph, you try to appease it.

Bill had already spent a thousand man hours caulking and sealing every inch of the Big Turd to prevent the inevitable window leaks with each rain shower. We repacked the wheel bearings every 6 months, had the brakes replaced, and offered animal sacrifices if it would just behave...and it seemed to work. For one year, other than Bill using up one week of each vacation to care and nurture, caulk and seal, wash and dry, and feed and burp this ungrateful moron, it seemed like everything was finally okay.

"I only have to stay up here for a week, then I can enjoy my vacation."

While we'd never say RV stood for (R)elaxed (V)acation, perhaps it would let us have some peace.

"Please don't hurt me or cost me anymore money" chanted over and over like a mantra, seemed to help.

So for one year, the (R)otten (V)ermin lived at the beach, and seemed to behave, and the whole time, it was delaminating. Like an insidious cancer, water was seeping behind the laminate finish and warping the walls of the trailer. IT practically laughed out loud as we discovered the extensive damage in June. That is why we brought it back home, unwillingly, and had it towed to Indiana.

It would love to back up over Bill right now, but then, who would it torture???

Well, for one, the poor guy who towed it, ...but he's going to live. Let's just say the trailer didn't cotton to that fella...but after surgery, ICU, and three weeks off work, he'll be okay. I secretly suspect the Travel Turd thought Bill was towing....

On Wednesday, Bill drove to Indiana to pick up the (R)eason he will have a
(V)ascular incident. The folks at the Forest River Company replaced both sides, the rear wall, and roof. Gotta love a company that stands behind their (possessed), er, product. They even threw in 2 new axles for good measure. They gave Bill a tour of their facility.

Somewhere between here...


And the finished trailer, is where the possession with an evil spirit takes place.

Oh yeah, there is an Army of them, just waiting for an innocent owner, looking to have some Recreational Vehicle fun....

So Bill hitched up the Big Rolling Turd, and white knuckled it home, waiting for a tire to blow out. But IT behaved. That's because the (R)uined (V)acation maker knows we will have to take out a loan for the amount of caulk and sealant that will be needed to seal the new windows and roof.

Last night Bill whispered, ever so softly, that maybe it was time to sell. I heard IT giggle from it's broad perch in our driveway. Why stop now, the big, Travelling Torture Trailer seemed to say...the fun is just beginning...again!

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