You Know You've Crossed a Line When.........

...Your doctor of almost 20 years refers you to a "Life Style Coach." "What is that" you may ask. I'm not really sure, but her name was Dee. She was nice enough. I must admit I was a tad bit concerned when prior to my appointment these were my list of requirements:

1. No alcohol 24 hours before appointment.

2. No exercise 12 hours before appointment.

3. No food 4 hours before appointment.

4. Drink 1 quart of water 1 hour before appointment.

5. Make sure there is access to your right foot during appointment.

Access to my right foot????? I had to go and get a pedicure the day before so that I wouldn't be embarrassed to show my right foot. I must admit the words "Hokey" crossed my mind.

Apparently I'm overweight but it's not my fault. It's just that I eat the wrong foods, at the wrong time, in too much quantity. I'm so glad I paid for that bit of wisdom.

I had to bare my right foot so she could attach some electrodes to it and to my right wrist. Then an electric current I couldn't feel measured not only my body fat, but my cells and told her all kinds of things. I'm apparently water depleted even though I drink it all day long. It's not reaching into my cells because of toxins. I am evidently a toxic waste dump. But I'm not alone, because everyone else is too. Who knew?????

So I was given a diet so that my body can be put on the proper "rhythm" of eating and sleeping. Sort of like an infant, only I can burp myself. Then was I given a supplement, to help me "relax" in the evening. Just something to take the edge off. I thought that was what valium was for, but no, pharmaceuticals are bad, chinese herbs are good. Can't say I really noticed anything when I took two pills, but maybe it was a low stress night.

I go back in three weeks. I have a feeling some big cleanses are heading my way, and I don't mean the kind you wash your face with. I'm not sure I want my toxic waste dump disturbed. Maybe it is better left alone.

Meanwhile I got out my Richard Simmons "Deal a Meal" cards, which happen to have the same foods listed on them as the diet she gave me. I always knew Richard was the answer!